Emma’s progress this week
Me: I thought you would enjoy this update from Emma about how she’s going using Zen Connection with Horses to improve things with her horse Rosie.
Emma: I was thinking of you the other day as I was in the paddock. Not the paddock I started in though, on my last email. I went to visit the girls to play with the whole connection thing. I was sitting in their paddock and feeling a bit irky. After your reminder about comfort zones and giving physical space, I got up and went into next paddock. I headed for the shady spot but couldn’t see the girls anymore and wasn’t ‘getting’ anything, so headed to other shady spot closer to them so I could see them.
Me: Feeling “irky” IS getting it, Emma. You were experiencing your version of the early warning signal that something is Not Quite Right. And you acted on that perfectly by moving further away and exploring if THAT made the Not Quite Right go away – which it did. Well done! As we talk about in Zen Connection with Horses, other people may experience something is Not Quite Right in a completely different way to your “irky” feeling.
Emma: Still irky. Walked toward far end of paddock. Didn’t feel irky. Waited for a while, read your book and wasn’t getting any response. Came in a bit. Got the irky feeling. Went back. Stopped and waited. Little bit irky. Went further away. Waited. (I was smiling) (are they playing with me?)
Me: As I said before, feeling “irky IS a response – it’s your response, your version that something is Not Quite Right with your horse and your early warning signal that you need to change something for her.
Again, don’t take it personally that at this time, you can’t walk up to your horses with getting your “irky” there’s something Not Quite Right feeling. It probably doesn’t have anything at all to do with you, yourself. (In fact, I’m sure that it doesn’t.) You are giving your horse the opportunity to release old trauma about being caught in the past, probably long before you came along). You are giving her the opportunity to start off fresh, with no adverse effects from all that old stuff that horses (and humans too!) normally carry around - that so often gets in the road of a really deep and meaningful relationship with our horse.
Emma: All was good but there were no physical signs that I could see from either of the horses as they were a good 250m away and eating. I came in slowly. Got a very mild irky. Waited. Came in slowly all the way. You know what gets me about this stuff? I feel less like I need to touch either of the horses. I didn’t do anything other than bring the girls in that day, but for me it was like I’d had the contact I needed without trying to get hugs and rubs.
Me: All the other things that we do are a waste of time if our horse has anxiety bubbling away in the background from the time they first see us coming. Read on to see how this paid off – and how quickly it paid off. The first email was only a little over a week ago! This girl rocks!
Emma: I have also been spending time with Rosie using what you suggest and combining that with going right back to the basics of the work we do with me on the ground. This is stuff like asking her to walk/trot alongside me without going off ahead or lagging behind, moving hindquarters, moving forequarters, going backwards, forwards, sideways, round in circles changing pace etc. The big change has been waiting for the chew every single time we do something. yep. I see your point about paint drying but hey – it’s beautiful paint isn’t it? (Me: sure is!)
The first time we went out to play we didn’t get very many moves in, and there were a few faces pulled (not all Rosie’s I am sorry to say) but a lot of standing still and chewing. The big thing (there were so many big things! I will have to find another word) was that several times I got the worried feeling and physically stepped further away from my girl. Then comes the chew and yawn part a. Followed by yawn part b. Man! that is one big tongue. That wasn’t just Rosie ‘getting it’ was it?
Me: You are right there, Emma. They chew when THEY get it and they chew when WE get it. It’s a signal of shared communication. They also chew and do big yawns when they release an old trauma or resistance. And here’s something beautiful that I’ve noticed because I see so many horses with their people – sometimes they are helping US to release an old trauma and they are chewing because WE have released it.
Emma: Another time we ‘played’ was even betterer (Me: The misspelling is deliberate.) Before I tell you about that, I need to tell you about something else. For a while now I have been learning about and practising horse massage. Rosie has been my main four legged teacher. Over time we have gotten better at understanding each other so now Rosie asks for certain areas to be rubbed or scratched. Even down to ‘please go under there and clean my teats’. The pleasure she gets from this attention is fabulous to watch. The farting part is not always so welcome, but I take it as a compliment.
So on this particular day I had met her in the paddock and she asked for a rub under her armpit. Then it was her underbelly. Then it was the please go back there, with the leg lifted. After maybe 20-30 minutes of this we were ready to do some work.
We put the halter on, headed to the gate, went through the gate and while I was making sure the other mare stayed in the paddock and closing gate, the pampered one tries to wander off instead of waiting!
I calmly and quietly corrected her and waited. and waited. Got a chew, gave her a rub and headed off. She was right with me. We did some basics again, I had to move back a couple of times, and again, lots of waiting.
I had a kind of excited feeling and thought about picking up the pace on the circle work. After some very nice walking and changing directions I asked for trot. This has often come with a tail swish and face. Not today. There was no wanting to walk, no dawdling. It was a lovely trot, ears forward. I asked for walk. So close to instant agreement on that one.
Me: You have hit on one of the really big issues Emma. With this work our horses whole way of moving changes for the better and it changes completely naturally. This lovely, forward, willing movement is the start of self carriage for Rosie. And should you want to go for collection later – this is the foundation that is absolutely necessary for real collection (as opposed to the ugly version of collection that is forced by hands and legs.)
And, that excited feeling and the idea of picking up the pace, was in all likelihood Rosie – how cool is that!
Emma: FAR OUT. I gave her lots of breaks for chewing and lots of rubs. ‘Just a bit more’ I think. Back on circle, walk, change direction, chew, walk, trot etc. Then I had the bright idea to ask for canter. Results in the past at this point have been quite variable. We’ve had everything from face pulling to snaking head, tail swish, kicking out, and turning towards me. Today? Smooth canter. NO WAY. I am almost laughing it feels so good.
Me: There are two really lovely things in this paragraph. First, Emma these bright ideas you are talking about, ARE Rosie talking to you – and you are quite obviously hearing her. It doesn’t matter whether you think the bright ideas are yours or hers though, so long as you keep acting on them you will keep getting such lovely results.
The other lovely thing about your previous paragraph, Emma, is that “you were almost laughing it feels so good”. When we are deliberately using our connection to our horse like you are, you get to feel their good feelings as well as their “something is Not Quite Right” feelings. So congratulations sunshine – it was Rosie who was feeling so wonderful…
Emma: Then I had to try the other direction. Aaaaaaah. Miss Piggy returns on left lead. (Me: that means that the horse was not happy) Hmmmm. Had another bright idea. maybe she is sore. I tested left shoulder. There was a small reaction, but reaction nonetheless. Thanked her, decided we had done enough and we wandered off to check out the dam and the ducks and the odd bit of grass. I was tired after all that, but it was such a happy tired. I will have to find some better words to describe what it’s like. Wow. Bet you weren’t expecting such a long answer to your question were you?
Me: In my experience, Emma, that soreness that Rosie has in the left shoulder will probably disappear if you work her comfort zone on the left lead. That is, a few steps to the left and then turn back to the right again and wait for a chew before going back to the left again.
By the time that you get this email though, you may well have massaged it out and this advice may be unnecessary!
What a gift you have given to your horse Emma – to go from feeling “irky” when she sees a human coming, to feeling so wonderful with you while working on line. Such huge changes in little over a week. Woo hoo! Well done!
If you, you who are reading this, are interested in progressing so fast as Emma and Rosie in whatever things you want to do with your horse, then I don’t think that you can do better than my “love this book or get your money back” guarantee that I give with the book and audio lesson set “Zen Connection with Horses”. In fact, that guarantee comes with all my books.
